To the reader:

I discovered my roommate was a lesbian and I was nervous at first. She was a Grad student and I was a freshman which only added to my nervousness. She was sexually open and non-judgmental... refreshing for me coming from a small town where these things are generally not talked about. I shared many wonderful experiences with her and her friends which helped me learn much about myself. As much as they tried, I learned I'm not a lesbian and that being straight was ok too. They also helped me learn much about my own sexual pleasure, preferences, and limits. It still excites me to remember back to those experiences. Everyone needs help sometimes to learn about themselves.

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To the reader:

Thirty years ago, I responded to an ad seeking a woman to replace the advertiser in a house she shared with another young woman. Only I after I'd moved in did I learn that my new housemate was a lesbian.

Then about 20 years old, I'd "never known" anyone who was gay. I was very surprised and somewhat alarmed. But even as I was figuring out my new housemate was gay, I was also learning that she was kind, warm, honest, intelligent, and good-humored. She became one of my dearest friends.

My friend & I have had wonderful snuggles together on couches, and shared beds during visits over the intervening years, but these have always been friendly, not romantic. If you are not attracted to your new roommate, she'll almost surely recognize and respect that fact.

Relax and enjoy — or struggle with — her as you would any other roommate. Realize that quite possibly she's feeling more vulnerable and fearful in this situation than you are.

If it turns out that she's a jerk or totally not your cup of tea, remember: you've known brunettes who were real pains in the tush, but that didn't mean all brunettes are to be avoided. There are good, bad, odd, and average folks of all persuasions.

And as Alice suggested, this is a wonderful opportunity for you to learn about and open yourself up to a category of people you might never otherwise have such a great opportunity to appreciate.