Is it possible to be friends with benefits with a guy that I dated before and I thought I had very true feelings for? He says that he just wants to be friends, but we can still have sex if I want to. I want him to see me as more than a piece of ass! But, I am a very sexual person and I don't sleep around with random people. So, it seems like it might be a good idea, but I don't want to feel anything anymore if I continue to sleep with him. Do you think it's possible that he may eventually want me back?

A defining feature of a "friends with benefits" relationship is being able to have sexual encounters with someone without feeling emotionally or romantically attached, the way you would with a more committed partner.  It can be difficult to have a purely sexual relationship with someone you still have strong feelings for or wish to get back together with.

Alice thinks it is great that you are taking time to look at both sides of this complex situation.  Before you make a decision, it is important that you think about what you want from your relationship with this guy.  Do you want a strictly sexual relationship with him?  Do you want to eventually get back together with him?  If you decide to pursue the "friends with benefits" route, what are your expectations?  Have you had sex with your ex since you stopped dating?  If you have, how did it make you feel?  If you haven't, how do you think you would feel if you did?  Since your ultimate question is whether he may eventually want you back, it seems as though you are still interested in him beyond just having sex. 

It's also important to realize that if you have sex with your ex, it doesn't necessarily mean he will eventually want you back.  He might – or he might not.  On the flip side, he may want to get back together even if you don’t have sex with him.  There is no guarantee that a specific action will lead to your desired outcome. 

You also mention that you are a very sexual person, which you've noted as a reason to explore the friends with benefits idea.  Have you thought about masturbation as an alternative?  Perhaps you might consider purchasing a sex toy (if you don't have one already).  This may be a healthy and effective means to satisfy your sex drive, while at the same time a great way to get to know your body better – and perhaps pass on a few new tips to a future partner.

If you do choose to be friends with benefits, it's important to remember that even though he’s a familiar partner, you still need to use safer sex techniques, especially since you may not be his only sexual partner (or vice versa).  Condoms help protect against pregnancy and most STIs.

Whatever you decide, Alice hopes you give the situation thoughtful consideration so that you can have your sexual needs met while protecting yourself both emotionally and physically.

Alice