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Friendship
Having older friends — weird? [Reader Responses]
Originally Published: June 03, 2005 ~ Last Updated / Reviewed on: April 03, 2009
 
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(1)
Hey Alice,

No, I don't think having an older friend is weird; it has actually helped me with my well-being.

I am 23-years-old, and 3 of my closest friends are above 35. My closest one right now is my mom's age.

Yeah, I know my mom is jealous of her, but she's gotta understand that this friend isn't like a mom to me, she's at my level, and my mom just isn't.

I think much deeper, and I am more emotional over things. My friend knows and understands, and relates to that.

My friend, who is 37, she was actually my freshman teacher, and she and I have been close since I was 14.

Yes, my mom was jealous for a long time, but in all honesty, I needed my friend during that time, no one else was going to be able to relate or understand.

The disadvantage, though, is your older friends might not want to hang out with your friends, because YOU may be more beyond your years, and that is why your friend associates with you. She doesn't realize your age, same as you don't realize hers.

Friends that are older should always be treasured all the way through our lives, and even if we lose touch, never forget everything they taught you. Because chances are, you may have taken a part of them with you, and that is a very special gift God gives us, a piece of someone's heart, into our own. I encourage you to write out what you feel, don't try to talk to your mom about it. I usually don't even tell my mom when I hang out with my friends that are older. I just say, "Yeah, I hung out with my friend today, and we did this, or that." She doesn't need to know anyway, it isn't her business.

Above all, try to make sure your friendship is balanced, and that you don't dominate the conversations. If you think you are going on about yourself, maybe try limiting it by how many minutes you talk about you, and then ask how they are.

That is one thing I regret when I was a teen. I talked about me and my problems so much that when my friend had some, she wouldn't tell me, because she thought I was too fragile, and instead stressed herself out.

Just be you, and just be there for your friend, and never concentrate on age, just memories.

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(2)
Hi,

I definitely don't think it's weird to have older friends. When I was 17 (I am 19 now) I became very close friends with a teacher of mine who was 32. We hung out at school and out of school as well; she became so much more than my teacher. Everyone at school thought it was very weird and I got a lot of crap from my friends about it. Which in turn drove me closer to my older friend.

An older friend can be so great to have; they have so much life experience, they are usually more compassionate and non-judgemental, as well as often wise and learned. I don't think valuing this makes you weird at all; I think it makes you mature.

I do think it's important to keep up your other friendships as well; don't stop investing in them, even if you feel more drawn to/more comfortable with your older friend at the moment. As for your mom, I can understand her feelings, but that shouldn't stop you from hanging out with your friend. Perhaps you could put your mom's mind at rest by making sure she knows you still value her friendship and input. Spend time with her, talk to her, etc.

Anyway, good luck with it :) and don't worry, you're not weird.

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(3)
To the reader:

I'm 35, and have lots of friends who are both younger and older (as well as my age.) My youngest friend is 21, and my oldest 99! I really treasure all of these relationships. My younger friends remind me of what it was like to be their age, and have the enthusiasm and joy that comes with discovering many things for the first time. My older friends have a kind of wisdom and life experience, and give me a sense of what I can look forward to. So no, I don't think it's weird at all, so long as you also have friends of your age (and so long as your friend also has friends her age).

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(4)
To the reader:

Older friends? It is a matter of age and exclusivity.

I am familiar with a situation where a single mom inserts herself into the life of her teens by befriending their friends. Her pattern seems to be to become very involved by planning and going to all activities with the group. She facebooks her teens friends. She is not inclusive or comfortable with the parents of her teens friends. On more than one occasion she has kept secrets from other parents and seems to try to isolate these befriended kids from their own families.

An older friend is not a problem, but a minipulative older friend can be. It would be wise to notice if your older "friend" befriends your parents as well, attempts to bring you and your parents closer, and encourages you to be honest and open with your own family. If not, you should ask yourself, why?

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