Gentlekid should not have to worry about compromising his values. If he thinks he should wait for marriage, any girlfriend he should find should respect that. A lot of girls (especially a lot of Christian girls with similar values) would in fact admire it, and value that in a boyfriend/husband. So good for you, gentlekid!

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(2)

Dear GentleKid,

I think ultimately you have to decide for yourself, but I would like to give you a couple things to think about. Once you have sex you cannot undo it. While there is secondary virginity/born again virgin, you may always remember your sexual experience you had before you meet the one. While the one would love you anyway, in spite of whatever your past may be, she may wonder if she is as good as your previous partner(s). She might also wonder if you are thinking of previous partners when you two are having sex. There are ways to learn about sex and human anatomy without having sex. Websites like this one, books, and other people can provide a wealth of information.

Can you think of any better way to learn about sex then with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Being a gal, I can tell you there are those of us who find it very sexy, manly, and strong to find out the guy we love is a virgin. In regards to talking about sex, I had a rather conservative upbringing myself in my family we did not talk about sex. I still do not know much about it hence  I read stuff on my own. I found I could not talk about sex with most people even though I kind of wanted to, but when I met my boyfriend we discovered we could talk about it. Point to my story is it may be a matter of finding the right person(s).

Christian Catholic Gal

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(3)
I feel very strongly that people's obsession with the "first time" is unhealthy. While of course I respect any religious opinion that believes sex should be reserved for marriage, the constant emphasis on virginity can feel very devaluing, and for women — because, let's face it, people care far more about this for women than for men — it makes them feel that their virginity is the only thing that matters about them.

I usually think Alice is dead-on, but I have to disagree with her statement that "for many, the energy and excitement of the 'first time' is unrivaled by the sex that follows." Among my heterosexual friends (because I assume from your letter you are straight) I don't know anyone who enjoyed their first time. For women, it was usually scary and painful; for men, it was usually scary and embarrassing. It was only afterward, with practice and effort, that I learned how to enjoy sex, and that my male partners learned to relax and last for more than 45 seconds. Regardless of how they show it in the movies, no matter how in love you are, sex takes a lot of communication and effort to make it work. Love doesn't mean you can read your partner's mind.

If GentleKid decides to postpone having sex because he believes it should be saved by marriage, he should be able to feel happy and confident about his decision. However, if he decides to wait because he thinks it'll make his first time that much more spectacular, I think he is very likely to be disappointed. There is just too much pressure and so many expectations involved in the "first time." Personally I'm just glad mine's over with...

—It Takes a Village

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(4)
It's completely possible to be willing and ready to satisfy a partner without having personal experience! Read some books and magazine articles, pay attention, listen and learn. Someone once told me that two virgins can't have good sex. They're extremely wrong! My husband and I were both virgins when we had sex for the first time, and it was fun, fabulous, and satisfying. Besides, what can be more fun and romantic than exploring your own tastes and pleasures together? Just remember one thing: talk about sex with your fiance before you get married! You're not doing anything wrong by discussing what things you may or may not enjoy. Imagine if you commit to someone for life and then you find out you're both extremely submissive and not willing to change! You can work out kinks like that (pun intended) before you hop in bed.