Cindy

You're experiencing a situation shared by many women: a sense of frustration from their inability to feel sensation, pleasure, or sexual pleasure from vaginal-penile intercourse. Many women feel closeness, and fullness, but not the intensity they believe that they "should" be feeling. Actually, this is understandable when people learn that the vaginal walls contain relatively few nerve endings, making intense sexual stimulation, pleasure, and orgasm from vaginal-only penetration unlikely. As you mentioned in your question, a woman's sexual pleasure, and ultimately orgasm, are much more likely to occur from sensations felt by her clitoris. The clitoris, whose only purpose is for pleasure, is highly sensitive and full of nerve endings. In fact, there are as many nerve endings in the clitoris as there are in a man's penis. Many of these nerve endings are subterranean, or "hiding" below the surface. That's because what is visible is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of nerve endings. The clitoris actually extends from underneath the clitoral hood and the nerve endings there are powerful, as well, and responsible for a lot of potential pleasure.

You and your boyfriend can try a few things that might help you have a more pleasurable, intense sexual experience. The next time you find yourself in the mood when you are with him, ask him to touch, rub, caress, and/or press your clitoris with his fingers. You can show him where and how by placing your fingers and/or hand over his fingers or hand, and pressing the spots you like the way you like. Adding a few drops of lube can add a slippery and more sensual feel, as well, unless you prefer pressure to rubbing.

Receiving oral sex is highly pleasurable to many women because of its direct focus on the clitoris. Women describe intense orgasms through oral sex. Check out Ian Kerner's book, She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, and Rebecca Chalker's book, The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips, for more information. Also, you and/or your boyfriend can add the touch of fingers, or even a vibrator, to your clitoris during intercourse.

Don't be dismayed by your lack of vaginal sensation or feel pressured to feel pleasure or orgasm during intercourse. View and use sex play as an opportunity for you and your boyfriend to experiment with and learn from your body, in finding other ways for you to have and enjoy sex and experience a variety of sensations.

Alice

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