My father died a few months ago and my main obstacle is accessing my feelings of grief and letting them out. It is too easy for me to get over it and move on without feeling everything I need to feel. I wish I had experienced a time when it was hard to deal with. My ability to deal clouds my ability to feel, which in turn sabotages my ability to live fully. Too many people have admired my strength instead of encouraging me to be vulnerable and feel my sadness.

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To the reader:

I'm in exactly the same position you are: My father died recently and I'm fine. Sometimes it depends on how your loved one's health was before their death. My father had been slipping away from us for a couple of years, and more rapidly in the last year. So it was something of a relief when he passed away. His pain and suffering were over and we were out of limbo.

Parents usually do their best to raise their children to stand on their own. So that when our parents are no longer around physically, we still have all the wisdom they gave us (hey, even bad advice is still advice), and the ability to carry on with our lives. For myself, I can't feel badly about being able to come to work like normal — that's how my father raised me. His strength is my strength. Sitting at home, either incapacitated by grief, or waiting for grief to hit, doesn’t serve any purpose. My dad would not have been impressed if I had done that.

So don’t feel badly about not feeling as bad as you think you should, or as bad as you think people expect you to. There are as many ways to grieve mourn and pay respects as there are people in the world.