I'd like to post a comment on Alice, you've crossed the line on what's "normal" by "Disgusted in Sacramento."

What you consider deviant behaviour is something others consider normal. Alice has on several occasions advised against pursuing outright wrong lifestyles. What "Disgusted in Sacramento" doesn't realise is that a person's body is their own. They have the right to treat it as they wish. If a person has a desire that feels right for them, does not harm anyone, why should they feel like deviants? Sometimes people need reassuring and Alice has done that for me on several occasions.

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(2)
Dear Alice,

I feel that the response to ALICE, YOU'VE CROSSED THE LINE ON WHAT'S "NORMAL" is that many of the people that visit this site and ask questions are teenagers that are too embarrassed about asking a parent about these questions, and they can't go and ask a doctor without their parents with them, now can they? This is a place for people that are embarrassed for all ages and for you to take away this site you will be making your children shut up completely because odds are they won't tell you about their problems or questions, so I suggest let a sleeping dog lie.

thank you, a dedicated fan of Go Ask Alice!

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(3)
Alice,

I'd like to respond to the concerned mother who informed Alice that she'd "crossed the line with regards to what is normal." According to this unfortunately all-too-common view, providing information about a controversial subject, without also providing moral condemnation, is tantamount to condoning the behavior.

However, I see flawed logic here. Providing information, not with the purpose of making a judgment call or advising a course of action, but just for the sake of knowledge, is called "education." Parents must recognize that they cannot shield their children entirely from outside sources of information and education. Your children will learn about it somewhere, and better a reputable source like Alice, than at the playground, or from late-night TV, don't you think? It is a parent's responsibility, not to censor this informal education, but to supplement it, with additional information, as well as moral guidance.

If you have done your job well, your children will be able to make informed decisions about the lifestyles, behaviors, and health issues in question. (And the key word is "informed," because how strong can an opinion be if one didn't have all available information at one's disposable when forming that opinion?)

I always wonder, when parents are so apprehensive about their children educating themselves and making their own decisions, what are you worried about? Do you not trust your children to make the "right" decisions? And if so, doesn't that lack of confidence imply a weakness in your parenting as much as a weakness in your child's decision-making? And at the end of the day, even if your child doesn't share your view of the issues in question, it is, after all, his decision to make.

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(4)
Alice,

I'd like to respond to the concerned moms that wrote ALICE, YOU'VE CROSSED THE LINE ON WHAT'S "NORMAL".

I wanted to tell them how much this site has helped me and I'm sure it has for tons of people of all ages using your site in an informative and educational way to get some answers. I grew up in a family where my parents made me believe that sex is dirty and when I needed to know where babies come from, they were too embarrassed to tell me, so they sent me to read a book and find out that: yes, a penis goes inside of a vagina. I was 6 at the time. And from then on, I thought it was a subject never to be discussed at the dinner table, and so they never gave me enough confidence to say anything to them. Not only my family, but also culture is involved, cultures where nothing is a problem or in my case, a culture where everything you do is a sin. The truth is, adults are not doing a good job helping us understand that making love is a beautiful thing, not dirty, that diseases are real and can be prevented, that gay people exist and should be accepted, that questions are made when there are no answers.

Yes, mom, we should talk about it, tell me what happens if he doesn't use a condom. I understand that in most of the cases, it is very uncomfortable for family members to discuss anything like that, so here we are, the younger ones searching for our own answers at Go Ask Alice!.

It seems to me that these moms will eventually have problems with their children. I'm not guessing or wishing for it to happen. They have the same attitude my parents had. As a result, in my elderly years, I was afraid to ask anything that came even close to kissing, and my curiosity was hidden from them. They made me realize I could only talk to my friends, who knew not much more.

Until I found Alice. Alice is my friend. She knows what she is talking about and she doesn't judge me when my "dirty mind" needs some answers. I have had many problems accepting that sex is a natural thing and I shouldn't feel bad when I do it, and maybe that lack of accepting sex was taken away from me by my parents. But this is just my case; there are people out there that didn't know... and worse things happen. Hopefully these moms will understand my point. And thank you Alice! You have helped me to make my life less stressful by posting solutions to the problems. That is what we need, an adult that will talk about what we need to know.

When my daughter grows up, I'm going to sit her in front of the computer and show her this site. She and I are going to sit down and have a talk and learn about sex together. I want her to come to me when she has a problem. I want her to know that I had sex ,too, and that from that love she was born.

Sincerely, Give us some answers!

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(5)
Dear Alice,

I have a wife and five young children. I'm also a psychiatrist and a devout Christian. I think I may offer some balance to the comments received.

My deepest hope is that they will want to talk with me about every question that they might have.

These days, girls and boys are asking about sex at progressively earlier times. Girls at progressively younger ages are wearing short skirts, short shirts, make up, even puberty has been coming earlier. With these changes, sexual interests arise. Why this occurs is not clear and open for debate. My thoughts are that the media is largely the culprit.

Unfortunately, children generally learn about sex over the TV, in their music, at the movies, and from their friends. Unfortunate as well, this information is usually laden with inaccuracies. It is also wrought with practices that are non-traditional and that can be high risk. This leaves them inevitably with questions, doubts, and fears.

These sexual interests also come in conflict with the family values they were taught. Conflicts vary in intensity depending on which values were taught, and how consistently they were emphasized.

Families also vary in their ability to tolerate discussions on sex with their children. There are many dynamic factors involved, including how sex was perceived in the parents' homes, gender roles in the home (e.g., mom was assertive or passive), traumatic experiences when the parents were children, etc. Many men even struggle with thoughts of attraction toward their mature daughters (because men find all attractive women appealing, but gets torn with the conflict of this woman being his daughter). For all these reasons and a host of others, sex becomes an uncomfortable topic, and may never even get brought up.

So, while I stand of strong belief that the ideal place for sex to be taught is in the home, and the first person children should be able to turn to with questions is their parents, this, unfortunately, is not the case in the world today. I find Alice's web site to be informative in correcting misunderstandings, and encouraging safe sexual practices. Personally, I would like to see more content dealing with the emotional side. Many give up something so much to them to someone who cares so little for them. The giver is left feeling violated and emotionally scarred.

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(6)
Dear Alice,

This is in response to the women that wrote in saying that they refuse to let their children access your site and are writing to the college to ask that you be removed. Well I would just like to say that this website has helped me throughout my teen years and into my early 20's. As for you giving medical advice, the only thing that I have ever read that addresses that topic is when you suggest to your readers that they see a doctor. I think people need to read your answers a little more carefully before making any judgments.

sincerely,
aggravated

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(7)
dear alice,

hey "Disgusted in Sacramento," Newsflash: this web site wasn't created for you!! get a life and learn to appreciate the fact that sites like this can actually guide us into making good decisions.

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(8)
Dear Alice,

I don't think that you can really put a finite meaning on the word "normal." This one word can have many meanings depending on whom you talk to. As for "deviant" sexual activity, according to textbooks on sex, that would include anything beyond kissing and vaginal intercourse, but even these two things are considered "deviant" in some cultures. Saying that what can be found on your site is not "normal" is rather vague given the numerous definitions of the word.

As for sexual health questions, some parents (sometimes physicians, too) have a hard time talking about the topic of sex with their children. Where are these children supposed to learn about sexual health and sex? Go Ask Alice! gives honest, straightforward answers to any questions that may be asked. Most of these answers are close to what physicians would most likely answer to a patient. And if the "reader" who wrote this had done her research on Go Ask Alice!, she would know that it is not "non-medical" advice that your site is giving out. Go Ask Alice! is very careful in making sure that all answers are responded to with the utmost care and making sure that the medical advice is exactly that.

Go Ask Alice! is a perfect place to get real information and answers to all of these questions. If this person is uncomfortable with the content of this site, it is up to them if they wish to continue looking at it. If I don't like a website for some reason or another, I don't go back to it and this is what most people do, also.

The "reader" who wrote the original post should do the same and not visit, or allow her children to visit Go Ask Alice! if it is so troublesome for her. Others who find Go Ask Alice! informative and professional in its handling of sensitive topics can continue to read answers to questions knowing that they are getting trusted answers to anything they may be uncertain about.

Thank you, Go Ask Alice!, for all the great work and dedication to answering questions that parents or physicians may not be comfortable, or willing, to answer.

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(9)
Dear Alice,

I was shocked to see this question on the site. It is exactly people like you who commonly alienate your children believing that just because they're not eighteen yet means they don't have many of the concerns and questions voiced by worried people on this site. Yes, parents are the ideal first people that young people should go to, but many can't, so I suppose you'd rather that they didn't ask anyone and instead got into trouble. I'm guessing that if one of your 'angelic' children came to you and said that they had used the site to help them through a really tough time in their life you would condemn them for doing so?

Just because they don't see this site won't stop them doing any of the things discussed here. It will just mean they do these things uninformed and dangerously.

You should seriously rethink your attitude towards a site that has offered so much support for those who need it across the world. I have personally used the site before, and am appalled that you would criticise it.

Shocked and angry x

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(10)
Dear Alice,

As a peer educator in a small mid-western school, I disagree with the statement that this site is "crossing the line." If you have been in a college or university setting in the past few years, you would know that students have a lot of pressures that have become prevalent. Sex is an everyday topic with peers and others in a college community, and with education, and knowledge, you can start to see the prevalence of a better society. Through education on topics, you will see less violence, more tolerance, and in the long run, the society will be better off. Because you may not feel that Alice has crossed the line, I say to you, without educators, students would have to learn by trial and error or by asking those who have NO professional resources, they could get themselves into situations where more medical help than advice would be necessary.

Sincerely,
Peer Educator in the Midwest

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(11)
Dear Alice,

Dear Disgusted in Sacramento,

Being an 18-year-old female, I just wanted to let all of you mothers know that this site is extremely informative. It gives you the information that mothers are not willing to answer. The fact is, young teenagers are becoming sexually active at any alarmingly early age; not only does this site allow for them to learn about sex, it is also giving them reason why they should consider waiting. They are going to do it no matter what you say or how hard you try to stop them, so why not at least protect them the best you can by giving them knowledge. And if you're "so concerned and disgusted," why not block the site on your own computer? Don't punish others for your immaturity on sex.

thank you — Learning in Seattle

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(12)
Dear Alice,

I have never felt comfortable asking my mother for information regarding sexual issues. Alice is a safe place for me to ask my questions, she won't judge me or yell at me, and she can't punish me; but I can search her archives, and find many helpful, and informative answers to most of my questions. I can email her questions, too. I found her site when I was in 7th grade, and I've been visiting the site ever since, and I'm now a senior. I am very thankful that she has this site, and I'm sure many others feel the same way.

I have a relative that has depression, and I have sent her to this site, as well. She found it to be helpful with information regarding her depression, too. Much thanks, Alice. Keep up the good work.

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(13)
Dear Alice,

To JMC,

I have just found Alice's site and think that it is amazing. There are hundreds of questions that all people have thought about, much less have the nerve to voice them aloud. As a parent of three small children, I can understand your concerns. Quite honestly, I feel that you need to take a deep breath and look at this realistically. If "Ask Alice" is the only thing you are concerned about on the Internet, than you need to keep looking at what else our children are really seeing. Alice answers questions that not mine, nor probably your children, will ever have the nerve to ask you, or discuss with you. Go Ask Alice! gives people the opportunity to ask the things that "seem strange" or bother them, and hundreds of children have admitted that they cannot ask their parents about it. I encourage you to take a good look at the world that we live in — there is far worse on television, movies, and on billboards than the reality of this site. I have to disagree with you, unless you live in a state of mind where you THINK your children would never consider asking such questions. It's obvious that your children may not be able to come to you with such questions, since your reactions are what I would consider "crossing the line to being normal."

Very Confused,
in Ontario

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(14)
dear alice,

wow... this website has helped me figure stuff out without me having to ask my parents... people like this sacramento mom probably don't have a good connection with their kids... if they think they do, they should think twice. this website helps people like me not want to commit suicide. take away a website like this because it isnt "normal," then more kids won't know what to do when they have an STD or suicidal thought or pregnant friends. "normal" now isn't what "normal" was 10 years ago or even last year. now i can be different and not "normal" because i want to.

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(15)
Dear Alice,

Dear Disgusted in Sacramento, JMC,

I just wanted to let you know I'm disgusted with you and your female friends' response to Alice. This site allows for people who are otherwise too scared (ashamed, nervous, shy, etc.) to ask questions of a personal nature. Maybe if you stopped referring to sexual acts as deviant, you may find that your children may open up more to you. In terms of not letting people have access to the web site, that is not up to Alice to monitor who sees and who doesn't. This site is a free service to whomever seeks it. The fact that you condemn such an exchange of advice and medical knowledge is a perfect example of why so many people are ashamed of what makes them comfortable sexually. Think about that.

From,
Philly

p.s.: Alice, your site has been an inspiration both to my friends and I; keep up the good work!

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(16)
Alice,

The real abnormals are those who wrote the "crossed the line" comment. Doctors can explain anatomy and not sexual behavior. Parents can only discuss their limited and predigested views of normal sexual behavior.

The very nature of the questions that are asked are the very proof that doctors and parents are failing to do their job.

In the long run, this attitude will do more harm than good.

Keep up the good work.

Signed,
"A father of two daughters"

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(17)
Alice,

Oh, please!! Part of the huge problem with under and over 18 people today is their lack of knowledge of what's going on in and out of the bedroom. Many parents don't have a clue or refuse to give their children the right information without bias. I am a parent and I commend this site with the information it gives to people who struggle to get information on topics that most refuse to or don't know how to give info on.

I think if we had more of these sites for discusion, there would be a lot less confusion and misinformation.

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(18)
Dear Alice,

Oh dear, where will this group of disgusted parents' under 18-year-olds be able to go with their worries and concerns if their parents have such firmly closed minds and have reared them to be so insecure they can't be trusted even with access to this (informative but relatively innocuous) site?

Puzzled from Italy

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(19)
Dear Alice,

Disgusted in Sacramento,

As parents, it is your prerogative to censor the content that your children view. However, I disagree with your motives. As a college senior, I find this site very helpful and beneficial. On this site, I have researched everything from roommate issues, friendship problems, boyfriend problems, to the sinful act of sex which most human beings DO participate in at some point or another in their lives. I choose to remain abstinent, and as a weekly reader of this site, Alice has by no way encouraged sexual activity on me. Alice has educated me about sex and has helped me to continue my decision to remain abstinent.

Many children are too embarrassed or afraid to ask their parents or physicians about sexually related questions. The majority of parents would not be comfortable answering certain questions if their children came to them to ask about oral sex, condoms, or kissing. Alice does a wonderful job in giving a non-biased opinion on health-related (including sex-related topics) issues. Health related issues include sexual activity. In her responses, she always includes all aspects of information to help the person in inquiry to make the best decision that is for them.

I would like to thank Alice for this website. She has been very informative and helpful to me throughout college and high school. I think it is sad that parents would want to deprive their children of a chance to learn about their health, bodies, relationships, and sexuality. I hope when I am a parent, I can give my adolescent children the link to this site to aid in their learning throughout life.

Sincerely,
UT Austin Senior

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(20)
Alice,

You really expect your kids to come to you for sexual help? i think not, most young ppl are even too embarrassed to ask their doctors, and doctors don't have an anonymous place where you can ask questions.

If ppl here were asking "normal" questions, there would be nothing posted here, this website would be totally useless. You can disallow your kids from getting answers to questions they will never ask you and leave them wondering and whine and complain about it like you're doing cuz you have nothing better to whine and complain about, but how does that help your kids?

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(21)
ALICE,

I WOULD HAVE TO SAY THAT I DISAGREE WITH THE PARENTS' VIEWS OF THIS WEB SITE. I AM A YOUNG ADULT AND THE INFORMATION I HAVE OBTAINED ON THIS WEB SITE HAS HELPED ME GREATLY. IF THE "PARENTS" HAVE READ YOUR WORK, THEN THEY WOULD SEE THAT YOU DO NOT DIAGNOSE PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS! YOU DO REFER PEOPLE WHO HAVE MEDICAL CONCERNS TO CONSULT THEIR PHYSICIANS AND HAVE GIVEN INFORMATION AS TO WHERE THEY CAN OBTAIN PROPER INFORMATION. AND IN THIS DAY AND AGE, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS "NORMAL" ABOUT ANYTHING THAT GOES ON?!?!? I SUPPORT YOUR SITE AND HAVE REFERRED MANY OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS!

SATISFIED READER

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(22)
Dear Alice,

Pardon me, JMC, but could you be any more ignorant? Look at the ages of the adolescents sending in their THOUSANDS of questions daily. Obviously, these are real issues that they are not comfortable asking their parents and/or physicians about. Wouldn't you rather them get assurance that yes, what they are going through IS normal, rather than making themselves sick worrying about it? Perhaps if the average parent were more understanding and less likely to overreact, they wouldn't HAVE to seek advice from a website.

-On behalf of teens world-wide

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(23)
Dear Alice,

I am 19, and from personal experience working with younger children and mentoring, I have learned that it is often hard for children to talk about things that deem very personal. It is also even harder to talk about these things with a parent. Sometimes, a "third party" or another person who they know just wants to help and won't judge them or anything can really help them feel at ease about a problem. Sometimes just talking about it helps. And, honestly, kids just don't wanna talk to their parents. It's nothing personal against them; it's just the way it is. At least the kids are asking questions and not holding it all in either worrying about something or keeping something secret that needs to be addressed and they're not sure what to do or how to go about talking to a parent or something else about it. These are just my thoughts.

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(24)
HELLO ALICE,

I JUST WANT TO SAY TO THE ONE PERSON WHO SAID THAT THIS WEB SITE IS KEEPING HER CHILDREN FROM TALKING TO HER ABOUT PROBLEMS AND ISSUES THEY HAVE. WELL, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TALK TO THEM YOURSELF. BE LIKE ALICE AND DON'T JUST TRY TO MAKE YOUR CHILD DO THINGS YOUR WAY. GIVE THEM THE ADVICE THEY NEED AND HOPE FOR THE BEST OUT OF IT. ALICE ISN'T FORCING ANYONE TO LISTEN TO WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY, BUT IF YOU THINK IT IS HELPFUL, LIKE MANY PEOPLE DO, IT'S A GREAT THING THAT SHE IS HERE TO HELP AS MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE, NEVERTHELESS AGE SHOULD MATTER. WHETHER YOU ARE A PRE-TEEN, A TEEN, OR A GROWN MAN OR WOMAN... YOU STILL NEED ADVICE FROM SOMEONE. IT'S NOT A WEB SITE FOR TEENS ONLY. IT'S FOR PEOPLE OF ALL AGES, AS FAR AS I HAVE SEEN.

AND BY THE WAY... WHAT IS "NORMAL"? TO THE PERSON WHO WROTE THIS COMMENT.

SAM

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(25)
Dear Alice,

I've been hanging around reading things and enjoying this site for a while, and something like this really serves to remind me how irresponsible and immature some parents are.

Young people are every bit as intelligent as adults, but at the same time, less experienced. We have questions, concerns, and feelings of our own. The job of a parent is to help a child grow up and make mature choices.

A parent being angry with this site is equally as naive and immature as the lawsuits being aimed at fast food resturants. Our society is obsessed with passing the buck to other people, and it's sick. If your child is thinking about or acting in a way that you consider to be immoral, it is YOUR failure as a parent that is to blame for this. It is a parent's job to teach right and wrong and pass down their knowledge to a child. If you are not ready to take responsibility for the life that you have brought into this world, then perhaps you shouldn't have had kids.

There is nothing wrong with a site like this. The goal of Go Ask Alice! is to provide accurate health information to people who have questions. I have not seen a single reply to a question on this site that did not stress safe practices. The fact is that Go Ask Alice! is trying to keep young people safe from making life changing mistakes. This is really a parent's job, but as so many parents have decided that everything is everyone else's fault, we need things like Go Ask Alice! to pick up the slack.

Bottom line: If you failed as a parent to pass on your morals, and your child is participating in things which you consider to be wrong, then you should be thanking Go Ask Alice! for at least providing them a safe way to do it, instead of letting them make mistakes that could ruin their lives. And quit passing the buck.

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(26)
Alice,

I'm fifteen-years-old and have only just now stumbled onto your site. I was searching for something that just happened to have been covered in one of your articles. From there, I explored other articles on the site and was amazed at the wealth of information and support. Now, admittedly, I have not yet read the comment on crossing the line, but I'm shocked that anyone could see this as a harmful or unnecessary site. I, for one, have difficulty discussing certain important topics with family or even friends and am ecstatic to have found a site that is not only informative, but supportive, as well. The author of the crossing the line comment should see that we, the children, will observe things that adults would not normally want us to be exposed to. It's a fact of life and to take away a site like this, a balance to all the fallacies in our observations, is to heighten the possibility of harm. As an adult, it's that person's responsibility to see that education is education and without knowledge, there is fear. Fear creates rash, unwise decisions, violence, and/or seclusion. I, for one, am comforted to know that such a site as this exists. Better to get information from a knowledgeable source than the media or uninformed braggarts who try to act cool.

—A shocked teen

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(27)
Alice,

Responding to "you've crossed the line on what's normal":

I truly believe that when you wrote this letter, you wrote it in ignorance. These are questions answered online in a safe and non-judgemental environment. This site has helped me with several of my emotional, physical, and other issues. Please, before judging this site and the people on it, just consider one thing. Would you rather these questions go unanswered? Would you rather someone not know what to do about their genital herpes? Would you rather someone do nothing about their drug addicted friend? Would you rather that the depressed kid killed himself? If you answered yes to any of those, you are a monster. This site is a terrific gift from Columbia University, and I recommend it be treated as such.

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(28)
Alice,

Firstly, I would like to applaud your efforts in allowing some unusual and for the most part, personal questions to be asked and answered on your website. I have read some tips that have helped me to better understand why I was sick, stressed, etc. In short, your website has been informative. However, I am displeased with the content being allowed. I believe that there should be a limit to which an individual is allowed to voice physical and sexual issues/problems. There were a few questions that were asked in a very repulsive, nauseating, yet ill-mannered way. Some of the questions asked on this website, I strongly believe, should remain or become tasteful and decent for the respect of other viewers. If there is no level of respect or a limit to inappropriate content, people will ask a variety of questions without considering the way in which they are to present their question in decency. Which can only open the door for intentional crude behavior.

Because I like this website, I felt the need to bring this to your attention. Thank you very much.

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(29)

Alice,

I am also a local from Sacramento and I just wanted to say I LOVE YOUR SITE.. I think it's great that anyone who needs advice from another who has the means to get the info we are searching for. It's sad to see people like "Disgusted in Sacramento" actually exist. I know from experience it's hard to talk to your parents/doctors about things without having the feeling of being judged. And then there is you - no judgment, just advice or guidance when it's asked for. If and when I have a child if your website it still around *fingers crossed it is* I will show it to them. Because I know I want my child to know they can not only turn to me for anything but know there are others out there that can help if I can't. Keep up the good work :)

Fan from Sacramento

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(30)

I am responding to the comments of You've crossed the line with what's "normal". Instead of judging Alice on her responses to whats normal why don't you describe what is normal in your fantasy world. Alot of people do not feel comfortable with speaking to people face to face or to their parents. I am 27 years old and I have problems with discussing somethings. Just because ya'll are open to spreading every word about yourself to everyone doesn't mean everyone is like that. According to some people ya'll are beyond normal. At least these people are asking a question and they get a valid response to what is normal in everyones life. Why don't you open up your mind because other people may have questions about the same things that are asked on this web site.

Keep up the good work Alice!!

Georgia Girl