Dear Crying all the time,

There is no set process or time length for the grief one experiences after losing someone close. It's normal to experience grief for a year or even longer, especially when the death is sudden and unexpected. You need to allow yourself adequate time to process how you feel, without expecting or trying to force yourself to experience your grief in any set way. Grief is a normal path that often results in healing.

Grief and depression can often seem alike, especially to someone who is actively grieving. Grief encompasses different things for different people. You might notice physical or behavioral changes, recurrent thoughts about the person who died, tears, rage, and/or sadness. You might experience some, all, or none of these things. Feel and acknowledge what you're going through in a way that you're comfortable with (and you don't harm yourself and/or others in doing so). If you're worried or frightened of any feelings that you have, if you'd like to be able to talk about your emotions in a comforting environment, or if you feel overwhelmed, stuck, or overcome with sadness, it's helpful to talk with a professional, a clergy person, social worker, grief counselor, or therapist. Some people find comfort in chat rooms. Reaching out to Alice is an important step in your healing. So is reading some of the Related Q&As listed below. You definitely need to seek out someone to talk with, however, if your feelings drift towards thoughts of suicide, especially since "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem," according to Morton Silverman, M.D., a national expert on suicide who directs the National Suicide Prevention Technical Resource Center.

Each semester, Columbia students find solace and strength in attending the Bereavement Group at Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS). Students discuss their feelings in a confidential, supportive group setting with others who are also experiencing grief. See the CPS homepage or call x4-2878 for more information. If you are a student at another institution, check with your Health Services for a similar group; elsewhere you might look on the web or talk with your own health care provider to find a local support group.

Alice

Related Q&As

Family death five years ago

Grieving a parent's death

Father died, grief grows

Father died, grief grows

Father died two years ago

How long does mourning last?