Dear Reader,

It seems as though the big thing to focus on right now is what to do with your feelings about yourself. When you are pretty comfortable about any conclusions you've arrived at, or any decisions you've made, you might then try to do something similar with your feelings about your friend. After these issues are addressed — and that may understandably take a while — your decisions about whether to pursue public office will probably be easier to make because you'll know who you are and what you want others to know about you. Both of these important questions have been posed by many past readers, so taking a little time to first read these archived Q&As might aid your decision-making process around stepping onto the campaign trail — an interesting prospect that we can debate in the rest of this answer. (The titles of these past postings may not describe your situation exactly, but the letters themselves and the responses all get at some aspect of what you described in your e-mail.)

• Feeling guilty about "gay thoughts"
• Should I tell my friend that I'm attracted to him?
• How do I know if I'm gay?
• Gay, but afraid to say it
• Coming out to mom
• Excellent site, but could you take out the gay stuff? [Reader responses]

So, for discussion's sake, let's say you decide to come out today, in six months, or in ten years; why dismiss the possibility that you can be both gay and President (especially twenty or thirty years down the road)? Sure, it's mighty difficult to imagine an openly gay President (or even a single or woman President) right now, but times have been a changin'. Just last Century, our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents must have been hard-pressed to believe that there would ever be women Senators, Black Supreme Court Justices, Jewish Cabinet members, or a Catholic President — let alone openly gay Congress members, mayors, and Prime Ministers. Well, not only have we seen worldwide destruction of barriers to elected office based on gender, race, and religion, today's voters are also either dismissing the rhetoric that candidates' sexual orientations will interfere with their ability to get the job done, or they're choosing to see their honesty and minority status as honorable assets that will better reflect the ever-expanding diversity of the electorate they represent.

And the voters have said as much by putting these openly gay candidates in office — and this is just a partial list:

• Barney Frank, Congress member from Massachusetts
• Henry Waxman, Congress member from California
• Tammy Baldwin, Congress member from Wisconsin
• Bertrand Delanoë, Mayor of Paris
• Klaus Wowereit, Mayor of Berlin

Your sexual orientation may end up being less of a big deal than you think. Gay or straight, black or white, one-time marijuana inhaler, recovering alcoholic with a related arrest record — whatever, American media and those who love them seem preoccupied with the privates and private lives of anyone with a little name recognition — even if they have nothing to do with, and no bearing on, their work. For example, what if we were to find out Saddam Hussein slept with Anna Nicole Smith back in the Summer of '95? Would the course of history be changed? Hmmm, maybe this is a rumor worth spreading...

Since many political wannabes' lives are so thoroughly investigated from the second they announce their candidacies, it might be very tough for you to actively hide your sexual orientation, if you choose to do so. Assuming that you would want to be an honest leader, perhaps being truthful about who you are would be an indication to voters that you mean business when you make speeches about the importance of telling it like it is. This doesn't mean that you would need to pass out buttons with your name and "for gay President" on them; it would allow you to just live your life, hang out with who you want, see the movies you want to see, support the causes you want to support — without putting a spin on everything to "prove" that you're as straight as they come.

Your self-identified popularity in school will likely help you with whatever your goals are there, from running for Student Council to coming out. If you do decide to go with the latter, it would be important to have supporters around you: the friends who like you, your family, a teacher, and/or others who you can count on. As the asker in Coming out to mom and dad [Classic Alice!] said, she'll still be the same person after she comes out. Since you're well thought of now, chances are good that you'll be well thought of for a long time no matter whose levers you choose to pull.

If voters were to evaluate you based only on your thoughtful, clear letter, and your passion about someday being a politician — even President — they would be foolish not to support you on Election Day, and everyday.

Alice

Related Q&As

Coming out to Mom

Feeling guilty about "gay thoughts"

How do I know if I'm gay?

Excellent site, but could you take out the gay stuff?

Should I tell my friend that I'm attracted to him?