Sexual secretions

Tidy Bob worries about semen safety

Originally Published: September 06, 2002

          

 

Dear Alice,

What a great resource this is! I saw 1 or 2 postings where you said that semen can be wiped on linen, pillowcase, underwear, shirt, etc. to "dispose" of it after masturbation.

Are these the safest ways to get rid of semen? Is it safe to wash the soiled items after use, or should they be thrown out?

I'm concerned about others coming in contact with the semen (even though I'm healthy).

Thanks,TIDY BOB

 

Dear TIDY BOB,

Flush those concerns down your tidy bowl! Healthy, or not, once your semen is out and about on fabric, fingers, the phone, or the floor, it almost instantly loses any illness- and pregnancy-promoting potential. The biggest problem for meticulous masturbators is those hard-to-remove stains left behind by stray semen. This self-stimulating side effect makes Alice wonder about the wisdom of suggesting semen be wiped off on whatever clothes or linens happen to be lying around (couldn't find this advice in the archived Q&As, by the way — maybe you heard it from Martha Stewart?). Sure, in a pinch, you gotta do what you gotta do, but why not try to remember to bring along some tissues the next time your cum needs to go? If tissues aren't enough, you might pick a few old T-shirts, socks, soft towels, pillowcases, or blankets for your exclusive semen clean-up. And by all means, wash that semen right out of your wears; if masturbators tossed their semen receptacles in the trash after each soiling, the fine folks whose names are on our shorties and sheets would be ejaculating all the way to the bank!

Since masturbators sometimes have other unfortunate angst — guilt about doing it, getting caught in the act, thinking that they should be having sex with someone other than with themselves, etc. — it's probably a good thing that semen won't mess up even the tidiest Bob.

Alice

P.S.: There are some environmentally friendly soaps that can wipe out semen stains. A plain water or seltzer spritz where the semen landed — soon after it arrived — might prevent or reduce staining. Speaking of semen stains, more than a few readers have written in over the years asking for stain removing remedies; maybe this is a good time to ask y'all to send in any successful recipes for future posting. If you do, use the "Comments & Corrections" box (found by clicking the button with the same name on the bar at the top of this page), and make sure to say it's a semen stain removal tip.

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