"While reading some of your responses to female arousal, you say that the clitoris is as sensitive as the penis. Why is it then that when I touch mine, I get only a little pleasure, if any? Yes, I know where the clitoris is, so that's not the problem. What's wrong with me?"

I am a guy who once dated a girl who also explored her body and did not get any feeling from touching herself. I was the first guy who ever touched her, and she even told me ahead of time that she didn't expect much from me. She was wrong!

I guess what I'm saying is that I guess it's very different when someone else arouses you. For the record, the girl says she masturbates regularly now that she knows what it feels like. Talk about a nice awakening! Lots of luck gets sent her way from me!

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(2)

Dear Alice,

I also seem to get little pleasure from my clitoris, relative to other women. It took me several years of experimenting and the strongest vibrator I could get my hands on before I was able to achieve a clitoral orgasm. I've never masturbated to orgasm without toys, and the thought of a woman doing so used to seem ridiculous to me.

Conversely, I seem to achieve vaginal orgasms easier than other women. It was also several years before I got the hang of those, but now that I know what I need, I always have multiple orgasms during intercourse. It helps that my partner moves his pelvis against my clit and/or stimulates other parts of my body during intercourse.

But two things helped me most of all: (1) figuring out what my particular fetishes were and how to incorporate them into sexual acts, and (2) relaxing, not focusing on achieving the orgasm, and having fun!

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(3)

Hi Alice,

I want to offer some words of encouragement and support for the reader who experiences little pleasure from her clitoris. Don't give up, and don't put yourself in a box!

I didn't experience much pleasure during sex for the first several years of sexual activity, and I had more or less labeled myself anorgasmic. I thought it just wouldn't happen. But that's a very frustrating way to live, and I decided to change my mind. I read everything I could get my hands on about clitoral stimulation, experimented with toys and lotions and other women, but the real difference was made when I stopped focusing on orgasms and focused instead on the pleasure I was having. One night alone, I finally decided "Okay, that might not have been an earth-shattering orgasm, but it was one."

Since then, alone and with a steady partner, I've built up into having serious, extended orgasms. I can't believe I had been telling myself I wasn't capable of this. Here's the thing: every woman's body is different, so THE only way to find out what feels good is to try things out. For example, my clitoris does not respond to direct touching — what works for me is to stimulate the shaft of the clit, which is not external, so most people (especially men) don't think about it. How would I have known all the pleasure that could be found there if I hadn't been patient and open-minded?