I would like to respond to the article, THE FAKE STRAIGHT DUDE. I am a twenty-year-old male who is going to college and has just gone through the same thing. I, for the longest time, had girlfriends. but experimented with guys on the side. Well, I met this girl in Feb 2001 and started seeing her as soon as we met. Now I knew that my feelings for her were sub-par to say the least, but I enjoyed the shield of having a girlfriend because that way, I didn't have to worry about the whole gay bashing issue. But when it came time for us to have sex, and after it was really too late emotionally on her part to turn back, I went ahead and went for it. I can truly tell you that I didn't enjoy it because one, it was my first time with a girl, and two, it was making me physically sick. Afterwards, I had told her that I did not wish to sleep with her any more and told her why, and she was pretty cool with it, and we just became better friends because of it. So the moral of the story is, do what you feel is good for you and if you think that it is going to cause a problem in your relationship, tell her that you feel that you are still too young to be having sex, and that you don't want to risk the chance of her becoming pregnant, and that you think that it is too big of a commitment for you both as teenagers to do so. And worry about coming out when you are ready to do so, and don't let anyone force you out of the closet. And when the straight boys start making fun of gays, just play it off if you are worried about it too much. Just crack some jokes of your own; not only will it help you slowly grow confidence in yourself, but you will find out who you can and cannot trust should you come out to those who were your friends. And believe it or not, your true friends probably already know that you are... Just hang in there, FAKE STRAIGHT DUDE.

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Dear The Fake Straight Dude,

I feel sorry for you, but I don't think it would be right to be in a relationship you don't want to be in.

If you don't want to tell her that you're gay, all I can think of right now is to break up with her. I know it is mean and doesn't sound right, but if you think about it, wouldn't it be more mean to be in the relationship as her love and passion for you grows, while you don't feel the same way?

Although the best thing would be to tell her you've been questioning your sexuality and found out you really are gay, you can still tell her that you still would like to be friends. If she doesn't want to be your friend afterward, then it's her loss, isn't it?

I'm not saying you have to do any of this... it's just what I think.

Signed,
Bi-guy

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Dear Fake Straight Dude,
I can understand it must be really really difficult to be gay in the kind of school you have described. I think it is horrible that your classmates tease anyone without a girlfriend and that you feel you have to keep your sexuality a secret. However I really don't think it is fair to keep dating your girlfriend, unless you are seriously in love with her. It's up to you whether you tell her that you are gay, or just give her another reason, but I think you should break up with her as soon as possible. If you keep dating her you are allowing her to deepen her attachment to you, which is going to make it very hard for her to move on when she eventually finds out you don't have feelings for her after all. I'm sure you don't want to make it harder for her to trust men in the future. I'm sorry for you, because it is not an easy position to be in, but I think you owe it to her to break up with her. Best of luck!