Dear Reader,

Have you ever been able to climax during sex? Under what circumstances? Each man's stamina is different. And, there's no standard period of time in which one has to climax. Some may orgasm quickly or in a moderate amount of time, while others may last longer before climaxing. Yet, there are also men who have difficulty orgasming, or who may not climax at all. In this situation, sometimes it can be helpful to concentrate on the pleasurable sensations, shifting the focus away from reaching orgasm or any possible distractions. However, more than likely, the solution isn't this simple as the cause might involve deeper psychological or physiological issues. If this is the case, the first step is to figure out why this is happening.

Sometimes having a lot of endurance, but having difficulty climaxing, can be a side effect of certain prescription drugs, such as antidepressants. For some men, certain medications can cause problems with sexual desire. For others, these drugs may make it more difficult for them to have or maintain an erection, or even have an orgasm. If you're on meds, it can be helpful to speak with your health care provider about the possibility of lowering the dosage or changing the prescription. Sometimes using alcohol or recreational drugs, such as cocaine, can cause sexual difficulties as well. Have you had any of these in your system when you've experienced too much endurance? If so, see if your lengthy duration changes when you're not under the influence.

You said that many times during sex, you never climax. Answering the following questions may help you assess the situation.

If you masturbate, are you able to orgasm? How long does it usually take you to come when masturbating?

Chances are that if you can orgasm and/or ejaculate, you may have conditioned yourself to do so from a certain type of stimulation. If you orgasm or come fairly easily when you're alone, but have the opposite experience when you're with a partner, expressing or showing her or him exactly how you want to be touched may be beneficial.

Do you find that you have a more difficult time climaxing when you're with a partner?

This can result from a subconscious desire to withhold this level of intimacy from or be unwilling to surrender to a partner. For some, it's important to build trust with a partner in order to feel comfortable sharing this experience. Sex therapy can help in this instance.

If you have sexual intercourse, do you experience anxiety or fear that may be preventing you from having an orgasm?

Sex therapists refer to men who are unable to come during intercourse as experiencing inhibited male orgasm or retarded ejaculation. For some, this is caused by anxiety about pregnancy, religious guilt, or other psychological issues. This condition can be caused by alcohol or other drug use, too. Oftentimes, men who have this experience do orgasm through masturbation, touching by a partner, or oral sex.

If the questions above seem to point to possible reasons for your difficulty, you may find it helpful to seek the help of a sex therapist, psychologist, social worker, psychiatrist, etc. To find a sex therapist in your area, look at the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) web site and click on the "Locate a Professional" link.

To rule out that your endurance is not related to psychological issues, you may want to consider seeing a urologist, before you work with a sex therapist.

Alice

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