I am a straight male who has recently become infatuated with the idea of performing oral sex on another man. Guys don't turn me on at all, but the idea of having a penis in my mouth, for whatever reason, is absolutely scintillating! I don't believe I have any homosexual tendencies, I just want to s... c... What's my deal?

Fantasies are a great, safe way to explore exciting events and situations — that we may or may not actually want to do. People may daydream about being James Bond or a Charlie's Angel, a rock star, and/or a famous chef, for example. Or they may dream about playing sports with a pro, having lunch with a senator, or even hooking up with a celebrity. Whether or not we have the ability or actual desire to do these is often secondary to the escape and joy that fantasy provides. Sexual fantasies allow us to explore sexual desires, feelings, and behaviors without actually choosing to do them. In our thoughts and dreams, we can be more aggressive or more passive, in the setting of our choice. Using fantasy or imagination, we can break away from the/our norm for a while.

Often the fantasy of breaking social taboos is erotic. If something you fantasize about, such as performing oral sex on another man, really turns you on, you can decide to keep it in the realm of fantasy, safely, or you may think about whether or not it is something you really want to do. Sometimes our idealized fantasies, however, are often more pleasurable than the real-life activity. When we imagine having sex on the beach, we often omit the realities of mosquitoes, sand where it doesn't belong, sunburns on "tender" areas, the pesky hermit crab that might crawl into your discarded swimsuit, etc. In making fantasies real, you may like it, hate it, be disappointed, relieved, indifferent, or have many other related feelings.

In your e-mail, you mention that "guys don't turn me on at all" and that you don't "have any homosexual tendencies." It doesn't seem as if you are bothered by the fantasies; rather, you are curious about them. Concerning sex with men, internalized homophobia can be tough to overcome. If you decide you want to act on your desires, you can take a look at the Related Q&As below.

If you find that you are struggling with a newly found interest in men (or their penises), a sex therapist or counselor may be able to help you better understand your fantasies and deal with your feelings in a more direct way. Since you seem to feel no pressure, it seems you can safely continue to enjoy the pleasure and the heat your fantasies generate.

Alice

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