In response to this week's letter about divorce from "Jenny from Idaho": My parents got divorced when I was about two. I am twenty-five now, and would like to suggest a couple of things to Jenny:

I've had a lot of therapy to help me cope with all the pain my parents' divorce and subsequent related family legal battles caused me as a child -- and it's helped immensely. It sounds to me like you're depressed. I don't mean to imply that it's not about your parents' divorce, but it may be deeper than that. It's been suggested to me by some doctors I've seen that some think that early childhood traumas like separation, when they happen while your brain is still rapidly developing chemically, cause a higher incidence of depression and anxiety later in some people. (Alice?)

I've never looked into any medical evidence of this (if there is any), but I've found that my chronic anxiety and depression (I've suffered from them since I was about three) have been (in the last few years) helped a whole lot by medications and therapy. You may wish to look into these options.

Also, I had a doctor a few years ago who suggested to me that I go on a hike with both of my parents at the same time. It helped immensely -- the three of us began having meals together on my birthday and some holidays. This may not be possible for you -- at least not yet. Your parents have to get along at least a little, and/or be willing to put their differences aside to help you (a good therapist can help you tell your parents you'd like to try this). The feeling of being with both of my parents at once in a peaceful, fun, happy setting just a few times a year has stayed with me -- made my heart feel more whole again.

I sincerely hope that things work out for you, whatever you do. Please believe that things do get better with time -- they do!

-- Helen in New Hampshire

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Dear Jenny from Idaho,

My own parents split when I was 8 and it affected me quite badly. I was convinced that everyone who was in a relationship was going to become bored and separate. It made me have a very bad view on all relationships. However, I came out of that stage eventually. I was 14 at the time, too.

I think it's just a natural part of growing up. It may help to ask questions of your parents, such as the reasons for their splitting up. The simple fact of the matter is that life is full of choices and sometimes people just choose not to be together. The most important thing is that they loved each other once, and they love you because of that meeting.

My feelings go out to you about this. You will feel better about things eventually, but DON'T keep it bottled up if it still bothers you.

Anyways, bye for now.

*hugs* *smile*

— Chris