Dear Very Concerned,

It's clear how your boyfriend's late show might alarm you, but don't lose sleep over his sleeptalk just yet. If we truly desired and acted on everything we dreamed and fantasized, the world would be a pretty crazy place, and it's hard to believe that anyone would dare hang with us in or out of bed. Dreams contain bits and pieces of actual events, conscious thoughts, and footage from our unconscious, all thrown into a psychic blender known as the brain. Come show time, the final product usually looks more like a Picasso painting than it does our real lives.

Like you, your boyfriend is probably having sex in his dreams with lots of metaphysical folks about whom you never hear. Come morning, if you ask him to explain what he talked about last night, chances are he won't remember, and may even feel that his privacy has been invaded. Our dreams are our own, aren't they? If you unknowingly left your diary open on the night table, would you want passersby reviewing it?

Since you didn't specify your gender, it's entirely possible that if you're a gal, your nightgown's in a twist because you fear your guy is gay. Truth is that hetero- and homodreamers the world over bed down with imagined same- and opposite-sex partners (respectively) -- complete with sound effects, conversations, positions, and emissions. During dreamtime, your partner may knowingly and unknowingly ponder sex with others -- men included -- but it may not have any affect on him, you, or anyone else when he's awake. In other words, gay dreams don't necessarily make gay dreamers any more than dreams about flying make their owners Canadian geese.

Here's the most important part: Is your relationship with your boyfriend a fulfilling one when you're both awake? Are your social, emotional, spiritual, and sexual lives together mutually satisfying? If the answers are "yes," then are your mate's dreams really important? If "no" is your response, talking when you're both awake about the areas in your union that could benefit from some work is probably a faster way to happier times than one-way dream analysis.

Alice

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