I've got the same problem with my girlfriend. What I do is if I know we're going to have sex, I go and masturbate really quickly and get it out of my system. That way, when she comes over about five minutes later, I have the capacity to get erect AND have massive durability.

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(2)

Dear Alice,

I've read numerous inquiries in your column from young men looking for ways to delay their orgasm, and thought I'd put my two cents worth in.

Throughout my teens and twenties (I'm thirty-eight now), I had an embarrassing tendency to come within thirty seconds or less during intercourse, or sometimes during foreplay. I masturbated frequently during this time frame, as most men do, and realize now that I had inadvertently conditioned myself to ejaculate quickly. I'm not condemning masturbation -- I still indulge occasionally, even though I'm happily married now -- but this is a hard cycle to break. One trick I learned to make masturbation work to my advantage is to bring myself right to the brink of climax a few hours before sex; this tends to delay my orgasm to some extent, and makes it more voluminous and pleasurable.

There are probably lots of other physical techniques to prevent premature orgasm that work to varying degrees with different people, but the big thing is to remember that sex is the proverbial garden of delights, as trite as it may sound. Take your time, sample a little bit of everything, don't be afraid to experiment, and don't be in such a hell-fired hurry to get on with the "main event." Make love to a woman's entire body, not just her vagina and clitoris, and remember that your penis is not the only part of your body that can give pleasure.

And when you do get off too quickly, don't let it end there. I remember one occasion during my early twenties when I came all over the mattress beneath me while performing oral sex on my girlfriend. I continued until she was sated, and when I apologetically revealed the puddle of semen on the bed, rather than being dismayed, she felt delighted and flattered that I should reach orgasm so readily, such was my obvious arousal at being with her. Use your body and your imagination to their fullest, and you will both feel more gratification than an orgasm alone can bring.

Most of all, don't get buried in feelings of inadequacy. It's normal and natural for men to come quickly and frequently, going back to the cave man days when this was necessary for the survival of the species. It takes practice, patience, and a thorough knowledge of yourself, both physically and mentally, that only comes with time.

Please pardon this lengthy and ineloquent dissertation, Alice. I hope someone benefits from these thoughts.

Yours truly,
Slowhand

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(3)
Hi Alice,

Great page. In response to "lasting longer," try telling the men -- When you have a piss, try and stop the flow mid-stream, sort-a-speak. Can you feel the muscle you used to stop the flow? It's this muscle that controls the flow of semen. By learning to control this muscle, you can "last longer." With enough practice, it also keeps the penis in a "hard-on state."

K

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(4)
Alice,

Sometimes it may be embarrassing to bring up the subject of the "stop and start" method to partners. One way to do this without bringing attention to the problem is to change positions before "the point of no return." This will give both partners a chance to re-situate and calm down, so to speak. You can also engage in oral sex between positions to keep your partner interested.