Go Ask Alice!: Can a man tell if a woman orgasms?

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Orgasms

Can a man tell if a woman orgasms?

Originally Published: December 11, 1998

Dear Alice,

I was wondering if it were possible for a man to tell if a woman has had an orgasm. If so, how noticeable is it to a man and is there a substantial amount of fluid involved in a woman's orgasm?

- an uniformed pre-orgasmic

Dear an uniformed pre-orgasmic,

There is no way a man can tell if a woman has had an orgasm. A man can try to read her reliable climax signals, i.e., a specific breathing pattern, body movements, vocalizations, etc., if he's sure there's an orgasm attached to them. However, the chance s of misreading these signs is high. Fluid release is not an orgasm indicator, by the way.

Your question, and this often unreliable detection method, point out the importance of sexual communication and trust. A woman can share whether or not she orgasmed, what it felt like, how her partner can help, and whether or not orgasm is even her goal. Thanks to a discussion like this (which her partner can initiate, too), lots of pleasures short of orgasm can also be identified.

Sometimes, it's easier to learn how to orgasm on one's own. Then a partner can share with her/his mate what s/he's learned, and they can practice reaching their orgasm goals together.

For more information, check out Alice's Orgasms section in her Sexuality archives.

Alice

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