Dear Emergency in Edinburgh,

Good call: it's best to recognize and deal with your relationship problems now, rather than letting them linger for too long when they can become harder to handle.

Alice is interested in your choice of words. Do you want to:

a. "dump" your boyfriend like yesterday's rubbish -- with no explanation?

b. trash him in soap opera style with a phony blackmail plot involving Madonna and the Scottish Prime Minister?

c. end the relationship cordially with minimal reasoning?

In a situation such as this, Alice believes that kindness and respect count. Of course, you have options. You can let him know over the phone, or you can see him one last time. If you choose to meet, a quiet place (rather than a restaurant or party) sh ows caring, allowing for few interruptions or opportunities for humiliation, or a scene. Tell him what you told Alice: "It's just not working." You don't have to blame him, and you don't have to justify yourself. Keep your message short and clear.

You may be doing him a favor by breaking up -- providing him with an opportunity not to waste any more time or energy in an unsatisfying relationship that just ain't gonna work. This way, he can get on to the possibility of someone new.

As you give him this option, you also give it to yourself.

Alice

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