Dear Reader,

Since women are all different, the tightness of the vagina, or of the vaginal "grip," varies. If you place your finger just inside your nice girl's vagina and ask her to squeeze, you will probably feel her vaginal muscles tighten.

It is not clear to Alice if her vagina could be tighter, or if you have unrealistic expectations. For example, how do you masturbate? Few vaginas can grab onto a penis as strongly as one's own hand. If this is the case, you can teach yourself to masturbate using a looser grip. Use a water-based lube and/or your less dominant hand. Changing your self-pleasuring patterns can help you learn to respond to different stimuli so that you increase your own opportunities for enjoying sex with others.

Being a good lover takes time, patience, trust, talking, listening, and practice. Truthfulness and authenticity also play an important part, since sexuality and intimacy involve more than sex itself. Relax a bit; build confidence in yourself, in your body, in hers; and, bask in the challenge and opportunity to learn together.

Because you orgasm with masturbation, it certainly doesn't sound like your difficulties reaching orgasm while inside your partner are caused by any physical problems. Perhaps you can begin to tackle your concerns by expecting your girlfriend's vagina to give you a different kind of sensation as compared to your hand. Tell yourself that it will feel different -- equally good, but different.

One last thought, for now: if you dwell on a problem too much and for too long, you can make it worse. Often, pressuring one's self to perform sexually puts a big dent in pleasure. You might find that thinking about this situation less leads to orgasm with partner sex.

Alice

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