Dear Confused, Reader #2, and Need help!!! (and fast),

Yes, in a french kiss, both people use their tongues. How you use your tongue is up to you, but it does require a certain amount of finesse. Generally, if you build up to a french kiss, it will feel more natural than if you go for the gusto right away. Start with a few pecks on the cheek, neck, and lips, and then lead up to a more intimate, open-mouth kiss.

As Alice has said in the past, you don't want to simply stick your tongue in the other person's mouth and then do nothing (also known as "the frog"). Yuck! Use your tongue to gently explore the other kissee's mouth and to play with her/his tongue. Take short breaks to "come up for air" and to swallow your own saliva. Try to avoid clanking teeth. This will, however, happen. When it does, you and your partner can laugh about it and go on -- no big deal. Teeth clanking seems to happen most often when both people fail to turn or tilt their heads slightly to one side, or when your mouths are open a little too much. After a few french kisses, you'll start to realize when teeth clanking usually happens and then figure out how to avoid it. As for tongue biting (ouch!), this is easily avoided by not doing it and by letting the biter know that this is something which does not feel good.

Of course, to each his/her own -- you may find you enjoy a light nibble on your tongue. Kissing should be enjoyable for both people involved. Don't be afraid to say if something isn't pleasurable or if it hurts. Let's take the tongue biting, for example. In the heat of the moment, you could say: "Oooh, honey, that kind of hurts -- could you try being more gentle with my tongue -- maybe nibble and not bite it?" Be nice about it. And, you can even take that as an opportunity to ask what s/he likes and doesn't like about the way you kiss.

Ultimately, kissing is not a science. You just need to do it and figure out what you and your partner like and don't like along the way. These kissing preferences will change with time, the situation, and the partner. And, the more you kiss, the better you get at it.

Alice