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AIDS/HIV
Terrified about possible HIV transmission
Originally Published: June 26, 1998
 

Dear Alice,

I am a 26 year-old gay male. This is probably a silly question for a graduate student to be asking, but I tend to worry a great deal. I recently started dating a new guy and last evening, we moved beyond kissing for the first time. I try to be very safe and cautious at all times, and until I met him, I had not had any sexual contact with anyone for three years. Although I had unsafe sex in the past with one partner, an HIV test at 28 months after my last sexual contact was negative. Now that I have bored you with the history, on to the question. We did a lot of touching and mutual masturbation and kissing. I wouldn't be worried about this except that when he ejaculated, some of the semen splashed onto my face. It definitely did not get into my mouth and I don't think into my eyes or anything else, but I'm not sure about this. Some landed on my shoulder and chest. I wiped it off immediately and then washed my whole face and body with soap and water. I know that this is probably low-risk and that I worry too much, but I was just wondering if HIV could be transmitted this way. We didn't intend for any of our semen to come into contact with the others' body, but it happened. As far as we know, we are both HIV-. Although having only known him for a few weeks, I can't be sure about him as I am about myself.

Terrified in Tennessee

 

Dear Terrified in Tennessee,

What you described was very low risk, or no risk at all. According to the Gay Men's Health Crisis (GMHC), the nation's largest HIV and AIDS service organization, there have been no reported cases of HIV transmission from semen entering the eyes, nose, or ears. HIV does not enter the body through the skin unless semen is deposited directly into an open wound -- and even this is not a guarantee of transmission. Receiving unprotected anal sex from an HIV+ person, and injecting drugs with unclean needles used by people with HIV, carry the highest risk of HIV transmission. This does not mean that condoms, spermicide, and other protections shouldn't be used with other kinds of sex (see Alice's Sexual Health archives for various Q&As about safer sex guidelines).

Your attention to your health and well-being will go a long way toward protecting you against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), HIV included. But even the most aware and concerned sexually active people are not immune to "getting lost" in the excitement and pleasure of sex -- also aptly called "the heat of the moment." Alice knows of safer sex educators who got HIV years after learning everything there was to know about the disease and how it's passed from one person to another. Sex can be risky if you don't think about what you're doing before and when you do it, and some risk remains even if you do follow "the rules" of safer sex.

There's also no guarantee that following safer sex guidelines erases pre-, during-, and post-sex anxiety about HIV transmission. There are, however, many steps you can take to reduce this concern that, for many, hangs like a dark cloud over a human experience that can be enjoyed by all who choose to have it. Here are some suggestions:

  • Before having sex, go over with yourself and/or your partner what you will and won't do (i.e., you will kiss, receive oral sex without a condom, and masturbate each other, and you won't bite, ejaculate in your partner's mouth, or give and receive anal sex without a condom).

  • Communicate during sex; go slowly and ask permission to touch, kiss, stroke, enter, etc. Not only can this limit surprises and worry, but it can be wildly sexy.

  • Talk with friends (after you've had sex) if you're nervous about something that happened during sex. You'd be amazed at how many sexually active and inactive people -- gay and non-gay -- want to talk about the same issues that you've raised with Alice. Sharing usually leads to learning and reassurance.

  • Call an AIDS or STD hotline, or go to a library or bookstore to get the facts that can reduce sex-related stress:

CDC's (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) National AIDS Hotline
800.342.AIDS / -2437

GMHC's AIDS Hotline
800.AIDS.NYC / -243-7692
212.807.6655
TTY: 212.645.7470

  • Think about getting tested, just as you did in the past. There's nothing like a "negative" test result to dampen one's angst about a sexual encounter(s). "Positive" results can be met with many treatments that are helping people with HIV to stay as healthy as possible. Promising new drugs and longer periods without AIDS-related symptoms, however, does not mean that all caution should be thrown out the door when in the "throes of passion."

If you're having safer sex, but still worry constantly about the sex you've had, or may have in the future, a talk with a counselor might get to other issues contributing to your worry. Now there are also many groups nationwide where HIV- people talk about all of these issues -- including how to stay "negative."

These archived Alice Q&As might also help make you a little more relaxed:

Alice

Related Q&As

How effective is at-home HIV testing kit?
Sunken cheeks — HIV?
"I've got that, too!": Do I have hypochondria?



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