Hello Alice,
I have been seeing a girl now for almost eight months, and we have been sexually active for a good
while. At a point in our sexual relationship, I came to a conclusion (no pun intended); I was going
to stop masturbating. It just seemed silly, what with a girlfriend that was so much more satisfying
than self-gratification. This has been going on for about two months, and I haven't felt "the need"
for almost as long. I feel very satisfied with my sex life with my girlfriend, and I don't have that
post-orgasmic sort-of shame that came with most masturbation for me. It's not much of a question
after all that, I guess. I'd just like your thoughts, and maybe just pose it as a possibility for all the
guys out there reading this page while they're waiting for the smut to load. And also, thanks for
providing your page as a resource.
Sincerely,
Beatless In Seattle
Dear Beatless In Seattle,
Your thoughts raise a couple of issues (no pun intended, either). Masturbation is not mandatory;
you may choose not to "beat off" while with your current girlfriend, or future partners, but doing
so is far from "silly" or dirty. Masturbating and being in a loving relationship are not mutually
exclusive, and many partners in coupleships use self-stimulation as a healthy release of sexual
energy -- just as they did when they were single. Solo sex is not a shameful betrayal of one's
partner, nor is it reserved for one gender. Instead, perhaps thinking of masturbation as sex, just as
other activities, like intercourse, are thought of, will make it seem more like the normal pursuit that
it is. If masturbation replaces sex between partners without mutual consent, or if its popularity
with one partner leaves the other dissatisfied, then it presents unhealthy circumstances worth
discussing. Guilt before, during, and after masturbation is common among "beaters" of all ages,
and usually grows from moral, religious, and social doctrine that disapprove of it. Alice believes
that to breathe a huge sigh of relief when you have a new partner because it replaces a need for
self-pleasuring may be a problematic philosophy. Why? What happens if, say down the line,
your sex life with a partner dips due to an illness, stress, or even travel that separates you?
Masturbation can come in handy when a partner's not in the mood, and just because your mate's
"away" doesn't mean that your dominant hand shouldn't play.
Partner sex may rocket your space needle, but, remember, it takes many skilled hands to erect an
Empire State Building.
- Alice
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Beatless in Seattle: Masturbation stops when relationship begins
