Dear feeling blue,

It seems that you have been thinking about low self-esteem for some time now, since you are familiar with many of its symptoms. You also appear to be experiencing some downtime at the moment, which can compound feelings of low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and low self-worth. Alice wants you to know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do. Many, many people have felt similarly.

Self-esteem is, simply, how good we feel about who we are. However, the impact of self-esteem, or the lack of it, is quite complicated and far-reaching. Linda Tschirhart Sanford and Mary Ellen Donovan, authors of Women & Self-Esteem, a great book by the way, describe the impact of self-esteem in the following way: "Our level of self-esteem affects virtually everything we think, say, and do. It affects how we see the world and our place in it. It affects how others in the world see and treat us. It affects the choices we make -- choices about what we will do with our lives and with whom we will be involved. It affects our ability to both give and receive love. And, it affects our ability to take action to change things that need to be changed."

As you can see, accepting who we are helps develop a healthy self-esteem and can make a huge impact on how we live our lives. A person with a healthy self-esteem is aware of her potential, knows the many facets that make her unique, and values and respects herself. More importantly, however, she knows that her imperfections or inadequacies are not inherently bad; and, they do not become overwhelming to the point that they completely define her value as a person. She knows that no one's perfect -- it's human to have limitations and make mistakes.

Regardless of self-esteem status, Alice is certain that everyone doubts their own self-worth or value at one time or another during their lifetimes. It can become all too easy to compare ourselves to others. When this self-comparison is occasional, it can be beneficial. It can help us achieve goals and ideals that we admire and respect in other people. However, when self-comparison becomes more frequent, and even all-consuming; and, when we, in our own estimation, do not measure up to our perception of others, it can become self-destructive. The quality of our lives is severely limited.

Although it may not be easy, it's not impossible to feel better about yourself. Alice offers the following tips to help you boost your self-esteem:

• Accept who you are -- your strengths and your weaknesses, your feelings and emotions. This doesn't mean we don't have to work on things.
• Forgive yourself for mistakes, and, instead, see them as opportunities to learn and grow.
• Take alone time, regularly, to read, play, garden, write... basically, to nurture yourself. Develop your talents and abilities.
• Trust your thoughts and intuitions. Do what makes you feel happy and fulfilled.
• Take pride in your achievements, big and small.
• Set realistic goals for yourself.
• Replace negative self-talk with positive, kind, loving statements. When something goes wrong, instead of blaming yourself, that you must have done something wrong or that there's something wrong with you, learn to accept that it may not have anything to do with you.
• Don't depend on others to make you feel good. Know and reflect on who you are in the event of a rejection.
• Exercise, eat right, and get plenty of sleep. Being exhausted and out of shape can leave you feeling more vulnerable to insecurity, anxiety, and self-dissatisfaction.
• Surround yourself with positive, healthy people.
• Get involved in projects which help other people or the environment: Habitat for Humanity, Literacy programs, Big Brothers/Big Sisters.
• Seek counseling or self-help/support groups. You may find these very helpful and/or comforting.
• Most importantly, make conscious, healthy choices. The "choice to choose" is the most important choice you will ever make. Make choices that leave you better rather than worse off. Make choices that synchronize your beliefs, values, and actions. Be honest.

Also, if you can't control comparing yourself to others, why not try comparing yourself with yourself, instead? Or, how about focusing on only the similarities with others? This shift in focus can help you realize that they have imperfections, too, just like everyone else, and that their flaws do not reflect your own self-worth or value as an individual.

Overall, this self-realization process (getting to know yourself better) may help you figure out what the real problems are behind your low self-esteem. Alice also hopes you will take steps to find assistance through support groups or therapy. Take care, and be gentle with yourself.

Love,

Alice

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