Dear Reader,

You are at a crossroads in your life and are reaching out because you want to change things. From what you say, there is a relationship between college and your loss of enjoyment, personal goals, and self-esteem. In our imperfect world, there are things over which we have control and things over which we have no control. With some help, people can learn to distinguish between the two, and then begin to make some changes.

Spend some time and energy exploring some of these issues, as well as your feelings, with a professional. If you are a Columbia student, Counseling and Psychological Services (x4-2468) has therapists with years of experience working with students who feel, or have felt, similarly to you. If you are not a Columbia student, your school probably has a similar service. Call your school's health service or counseling service for an appointment. Your family doctor also could make a referral. In addition, counseling services are available at your local mental health department, or in certain community-based organizations.

You are in a kind of crisis. The Chinese symbol for "crisis" has two characters: one represents "danger" and the other represents "opportunity." Your "danger" is that the things that are familiar to you, including your sense of purpose, the activities that previously gave you pleasure, and your friends or support network, are no longer satisfying to you. It's possible that you're depressed. Of course, there are degrees of depression, and although there are similarities, everyone's depression is unique. The most vivid description of depression that Alice has seen is in William Styron's book, Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness, where he describes powerful, immobilizing hopelessness. Yet, as represented by the two Chinese characters, people who are depressed, or in a crisis, can also have the "opportunity" to learn, challenge themselves, and grow.

Depending upon the amount of time and energy you have, you might think about volunteering your time. Often when students volunteer, they develop a sense of purpose and value since they are contributing to someone else's health or well-being. Tutoring adults in English as a second language, reading to schoolkids, visiting the homebound elderly, or working in a kitchen that provides food for the homeless are some areas where volunteers are needed. It is amazing how much we can get by giving. At Columbia University, Community Impact at x4-1492 coordinates many of the volunteer opportunities.

Perhaps, as you work with your therapist, you will decide that school is not for you, or that this school is not for you. Maybe you will discover that your passion lies elsewhere. As you get the help you deserve, your desires will become clearer to you. They may give you the impetus to approach school with new vigor, since you will need the skills, or ticket (your diploma), to go on to accomplish these new goals you have identified for yourself.

Your current assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to go make that call, even if you feel that you can't. Act "as if" you are ready. Alice is eager for you to find your niche, to strengthen your sense of self-esteem, and to have your joy return to you. You have an ally in the universe pulling for you, if that is any comfort, but the first step needs to be yours.

Alice

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