Dear Alice,
I care for my girlfriend, whom I have been seeing for a few months now.
I have no problem maintaining an erection when she performs oral sex on
me. In fact I can climax twice in a relatively short time. We have, however,
been unable to actually engage in intercourse, since when we go to put on
the condom, I lose my erection. I'm not really having too much of a problem
getting erect (i.e.-- I get an erection, and may lose it early on, but I
am able to get and maintain another one for oral sex). What could be the
problem? Stress? A lack of physical attraction? I will be grateful for any
answer you can provide me.
Concerned
Dear Concerned,
When a man has oral sex, his penis is surrounded by a mouth with a
warm, moist mucous membrane. The sensation is very direct. When you lose
your erection while putting on a condom, this is normal since the
stimulation stops. One thing that might help is if your girlfriend
stimulates you -- touches, kisses, and talks to you -- while you are
putting on the condom, or even assists you in the process (some lovers
have learned to put on a condom with their mouths). Continuing the
stimulation can help you stay hard while you are putting on the condom.
You could also please each other in different ways, without intercourse,
and take some pressure off for a while.
Alice would like you to remember that you are a man, not a machine, and
that erections come and go, then often come back, sometimes when you least
expect it. Direct physical contact, breaking the rhythm, the
stress/anxiety of maintaining an erection, fear, guilt -- all can have an
impact. Perhaps you are annoyed at having to put on a condom in the first
place. This may interfere with your erection as well. If you could think
of it as a (safer sex) choice, and try a few of Alice's suggestions
above, the chances of being successful in achieving a condomed and erect
penis will be higher.
Only you can tell if a lack of physical attraction to your girlfriend
is an issue; however, Alice wonders if you are not grasping with
straws.... Remember, your girlfriend cares for you whether or not you
have an erection, and wants to be with you because of who you are, not the
strength of your erection. Good luck.
- Alice
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Erection comes and goes
