Dear A Concerned Caregiver,

Begin to learn about sex and disability by talking with the person you care for. The reason for this is that you already have established trust with this person, and, hopefully, he with you.

If his disability is one that has developed recently, one of the challenges is encouraging him to get to know his new body, to see what feels good where, and to know how he responds, so that he can know what to expect when he is with a partner. It is important to know that even people with exactly the same kind of injury can differ in their perceptions and sensations.

Perhaps Christopher and Dana Reeve are our most recent inspirations. Not only have they talked about Mr. Reeve's rehabilitation after his horse riding accident, but Reeve shared feelings and facts about their "new" sex lives during an ABC news interview. People with seemingly overwhelming disabilities often can meet others, develop relationships, marry, and have children. Of course, it may take some time, encouragement, work, and support for people with disabilities to adjust before becoming more positive about themselves and their outlook on life.

One way of approaching this subject with him is to rent movies, such as "Coming Home," with Jon Voight and Jane Fonda, about a spinal cord injured Vietnam veteran; and, "The Waterdance," with Eric Stoltz and Helen Hunt, about the dynamics and struggles of an intimate relationship when one partner becomes disabled from a spinal cord injury.

Also consider contacting the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS) at (212) 819-9770. Secure its current Sexuality and Disability annotated bibliography. There is a membership fee, but it allows you to make use of its extensive non-lending library, where searches can be conducted and information can even be faxed to you. It can also supply you with many related resources.

Alice

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