Thank you for your help,
—Pre-Orgasmic

Dear Pre-Orgasmic,

You're right, a pre-orgasmic person is someone who has not yet had an orgasm; the term is used especially in describing women who have not had an orgasm through masturbation or sex. Experts once described these women as anorgasmic, meaning absence of orgasm; however, this changed when they realized that that having an orgasm was indeed possible and even likely for these women, with the right stimulation. Hence the term pre-orgasmic came (excuse the pun) into vogue.

And yes, many women under 20 are pre-orgasmic. This might be because they haven't attempted to have an orgasm, or  haven't discovered what type of stimulation brings them to orgasm. Many other women do learn, often through masturbation or sex, to orgasm well before age 20. Both experiences are normal.

Some women who haven't had an orgasm through masturbation or sex have some success experiencing their first orgasm by using a vibrator on or near their clitoris (plenty of lube is always a good idea, too). Other women have found that using a shower head to stimulate the vulva and clitoris brings on their first orgasm. Orgasms can feel different depending on the area being stimulated (whether the clitoris, vulva, vagina, anus, penis, testicles, or even the nipples or other erogenous zones!). Describing what an orgasm feels like can be difficult, although many people feel a "release" of tension. This somewhat vague description can lead to some confusion as to whether one has had an orgasm.

As for the purpose, it's not entirely clear if orgasms are purely for pleasure or if they evolved to improve reproductive success (by making intercourse more pleasurable so people would partake more often and be more likely to reproduce, or by making it easier for semen to pass through the cervix; both theories receive some attention from researchers). What is certain is that both men and women generally find orgasms to be extremely pleasurable.

However, pre-orgasmic people don't need to feel left out; other aspects of sex and masturbation can be just as fulfilling as the so-called "climax." The journey of self-exploration or sharing your body with a partner provides emotional and physical stimulation that many people value deeply. For those trying to attain their first orgasm, relaxing and focusing on what feels good (rather than whether you're going to reach the big O), is a good place to start. You can also read the Related Q&A for more information about orgasms.

And by the way, your question isn't strange at all. Thanks for asking,

Alice

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