Alice,
If my partner and I have been monogamous for 3 years (and I was
a virgin before we met) and my partner tested negative for the HIV virus
(twice, about two years ago, with a six-month gap between the tests) is
it safe for us to use a birth control method other than a condom? That
is, are there still any STDs that my partner might have without knowing
it, that we should be worried about, even though nothing whatsoever has
seemed wrong with either of us for 3 years and my partner has had several
regular annual physicals in that time?
— Losing the condom?
Dear Losing the condom?,
This is a decision that only you and your partner can make. Some people are natural born risk-takers, and others are naturally not. This situation calls for an assessment of the inherent risks, and then a mutual decision by you and your partner as to the course of action.
Specifically, yes, there are many sexually transmitted diseases that are asymptomatic (have no symptoms). This means that you can have them, and transmit them to others without ever knowing it. There are other STDs that may take years to manifest themselves. It may be a hormonal change, or stress or a life change that causes symptoms of the STD to appear at a specific time. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis at certain stages, herpes (between episodes), and genital warts all can be asymptomatic. As you know, HIV can have an incubation period of up to 10 years before symptoms of AIDS appear (although usually the antibodies show up on a test within 6 months of transmission of the virus). There is no cure currently for either herpes or genital warts or AIDS.
Given this information, you both need to make a decision. You can switch to another form of birth control, with knowledge of the potential risk that one or another of you might possibly be carrying an asymptomatic infection. Or you can continue using condoms until you're ready to have children, and make absolutely sure that neither of you ever transmits an STD to the other. It depends on your personalities, your willingness to take risks, and your mutual assessment of the risks involved in switching to another form of contraception. You may want to involve a third party in your individual decision — a clinician in Primary Care would be helpful (4-2284) or make an appointment together to see your girlfriend's regular gynecologist. You can also call the American Social Health Association's STD Hotline at (800)227-8922 for more detailed information about the specific STDs.
- Alice
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Monogamous couple: Stop using condoms?
