Dear Unsure,

Orgasm is a reflex, usually accompanied by pleasurable feelings, that occurs when the body has had sufficient, effective sexual stimulation. Orgasm reverses the bodily processes of increased blood flow into the genitals and muscular tension that occur during sexual arousal, allowing the body to return to its unaroused state.

Orgasm is a full body response. For men, rhythmical contractions occur along the penis, urethra, prostate gland, seminal vesicles, pelvic muscles, and anus, and are usually accompanied by ejaculation. For women, contractions occur in the lower part of the vagina, in the uterus, and in the anus.

However, where the contractions occur and what sensations you experience are two different things. Each person has different sensations each time orgasm occurs -- for example, changes in breathing, a feeling of warmth, sweating, body vibrations, altered consciousness, or need/desire to moan or cry out are common experiences for women. Many women would say about orgasm, "I don't know how to describe it, but I know it when I feel it."

Some women orgasm, but do not know it. They think that what is happening to them is too tame to be considered an orgasm. It is important to concentrate on what you do feel, rather than discount your experience by comparing it to an imagined sensation. Women can teach themselves to orgasm by touching their clitoris in pleasurable ways until the intensity turns into sexual release. If you are not sure if you are experiencing an orgasm, read Lonnie G. Barbach's For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality (one of the orgasm bibles). Orgasm is not a magical gift someone gives you -- it's a physiological response that is learned with practice.

Alice

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