|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
All materials on this website are copyrighted. Copyright © 2005-2008 by The Trustees of Columbia University in the City of New York. All rights reserved.
Mac users: please note that our site is optimized for the Safari browser. |
|
Nonconsensual relationships
|
Girlfriend broke it off - Am I stalking?
Originally Published: February 24, 1995
~ Last Updated / Reviewed on: October 27, 2006
|
|
|
Dear Alice,
My girlfriend just broke up with me after one year of relationship. She didn't give me any reason. She says she has no time to give a reason. Last night, I called her every half hour, but she didn't want to pick up the phone. This morning, she told me that if I keep calling her, or I am around her or her place, or trying to follow her, then she would call the police and sue me. My question is: is it against the law if I am trying to get in touch with her by being at the same place as she is? Is it against the law if I wait for her in front of her door? --Home alone
Dear Home Alone, It seems clear that your ex-girlfriend doesn't want to see you, talk to you, or have anything to do with you right now. She has been definite and clear about her wishes. You absolutely need to back off and stay away from her. By calling her every half hour, you are HARASSING her. Yes, this is against the law in most places; and, it is more than an annoyance everywhere. Waiting in front of your ex-girlfriend's door, or frequently being in the same area she is, is classified as stalking, and is illegal in many places. In other locales, it would be up to your ex-girlfriend to notify the police and get an order of protection that would not allow you to have contact with her, be on her property, or come within a certain distance of her. The order would be served to you, and once you have seen it, if you violate the terms, you could be arrested. What you are describing is serious. You need to leave your ex-girlfriend alone for a while, or maybe forever. Whatever her reasons for breaking up with you, it is clear that she is not willing to discuss them with you right now. Don't try to figure your girlfriend out; spend your time nursing your hurt and trying to get on with your life. See a counselor or a therapist to cope with your pain, and discuss alternatives to "haunting" your ex. If you're at Columbia, call Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) at x4-2468. If you're not at Columbia, contact the American Psychological Association at (800) 374-2721 or (202) 336-5500, the National Mental Health Association at (800) 969-NMHA/-6642 or (888) 836-6070, and/or the National Association of Social Workers, Inc. at (202) 408-8600, and ask them for licensed referrals in your community. Another option is to check the Yellow Pages of your phone book under "mental health," "health," "social services," or "physicians" to try to find a professional counseling center near you. Be calm, stay away, and move on with your life.
|
Go Ask Alice! is not an emergency or instant response service.