Dear Alice,
My partner says she does not care for
the "doggie" position because it causes her pain. I, on the other
hand like to experiment and want to try everything. I guess I want
more than just vanilla and she says if vanilla is great, continue
to go for it. I guess I'm trying to sort out facts first. First, I
know that only about 8 percent of women engage in this position. I
guess I want to try it occasionally because the position gives me
sight sensory as well as feeling. Anyway, I tell her I'd do
anything she wants, anything to satisfy her in exchange for having
sex in this position. I guess it's an obsession which becomes more
of an obsession when it is denied!
Back to what she says. First, is that the angle is painful. She
says the position is against the normal "curve" of the penis as it
would enter in missionary position. Now on to the emotional side.
What happens is that she will eventually consent but then because
I feel guilty I jackrabbit and I can't enjoy it! What can be done
to stop the pain she says is there? Is some of it emotional?
—Barking up the wrong tree
Dear Barking up the wrong tree,
First of all, your statistic regarding the percentage of women who
engage in the "doggie-style" position seems to be an
underestimation. Regardless, your dilemma involves just you and
your partner. Pain during intercourse can be related to actual
physical pain, or it can have some emotional or psychological
component to it. Since your partner has stated that she is in
physical pain during this sexual position, there are a few things
you can try to make her more comfortable. How about using a water-
based lubricant to make it easier for your penis to move inside of
her? Tried moving gently, as opposed to hard thrusting. You may
also want to try variations of the doggie position, with you
entering her from behind while lying down next to each other on
your sides, instead of attempting it on your knees.
Ask your partner if anything besides the painful angle bothers
her. Some women may feel as though the "doggie" position is
something being done to them, as opposed to something in which
they are participating. It is also a position in which some women
feel distant from their partner because they are not facing them.
If your partner feels this way, try touching her body while you
are having sex with her, or wrapping your arms around her. You can
also stimulate your partner's clitoris while having sex in the
doggie style position, a technique that helps to ensure a woman's
pleasure in addition to the man's. If your partner finds no relief
in any of these changes, then you may want to take a break from
your obsession with the doggie-thing. Not forcing an issue can
give you both the time to relax, explore your sexuality together
in other ways, and potentially come back to the doggie position
naturally at another less stressful moment.
- Alice
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Partner doesn't like doggie position
