Dear Alice,
My boyfriend and I have been dating off and on for two years. We
have been having sex for about a year now. The problem is I want
to spice up our sex life, but I don't have any imagination. He says
he's willing to try anything but he won't give ideas. We've done
it in different positions, used sex toys but I can't think of
anything fun to try. Please help, give me some suggestions.
Signed,
Unimaginative
Dear Unimaginative,
Do you really have no imagination? Is your boyfriend truly too unwilling or shy to give ideas? Maybe you need the confidence to express yourselves freely and experiment with your sexuality without feeling embarrassed. So forget about doing any physical experimentation for the time being, and instead see if you can find more ways to talk about and explore each other's thoughts and fantasies.
You can get the discussion going in a number of ways. For example, you can choose and watch some adult sexuality education videos together or rent some erotic movies. Talk about what you see in the movies, and how you feel. What turns each of you on and off? What is appealing to you in fantasy, but might be unappealing to you in real life? Or, how about some books to spur your imaginations? Zillions of how-to books are available that offer ideas for spicing up one's sex life. There are also some beautiful sensual books you might want to look at, such as The Pillow Book. Read them together or read them aloud to each other and see what is inspiring, appealing, or exciting to each of you.
No one needs to feel pressured into doing anything. The discussion is what's important, as well as learning about one another and finding comfortable possibilities to think about and explore.
Finally, the passion and intensity of a new relationship is different from one that is ongoing. Long-term partnerships often need more attention and intention. The excitement of new relationships can become tempered by comfort, familiarity, and security over time. As a result, you may want to cultivate and maintain a healthy perspective concerning the importance and kind of sex being had in your overall relationship. In addition, sex in relationships moves in cycles - lovemaking is wilder or more subdued, rarer or more frequent. Don't judge it, just go and flow!
- Alice
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Spice up sex life?
