—Dreaming

It is completely natural to think and even dream about people other than your primary partner. All you need to remember is that there is a difference between fantasy (imagining) and reality. Attractions to others are one of the joys in life. It reaffirms people that they are alive and open to their feelings. What people imagine related to their attraction allows them to experience and even learn about themselves, their feelings, and their behaviors. People are in control of their behaviors and can make choices and decisions concerning what they may or may not actually want to try. Fortunately, fantasies create a safe, healthy way to explore areas of sexuality that often cause people discomfort, especially when discussing these feelings with partners.

Many people are content to leave their feelings of attraction in the realm of fantasy, safe to enjoy privately or perhaps with a partner. However, if you find yourself wanting to move forward with your attraction, then it would be important to examine your current relationship. You can assess its strengths and weaknesses and think about how the two of you can grow within the relationship. Thinking creatively about ways to achieve what's lacking in your primary relationship is useful. That way you can choose not to follow through on your impulses so that you can strengthen the bonds of trust you've built over time.

If you really can't get this guy off your mind, and you still are worried, you can think about him:

• consciously, more than you already do;
• when you are alone;
• kissing you when you have sex by yourself;
• kissing you whenever you want; and/or,
• kissing you when you have sex with your partner.

Remember, you have more control than you think.

Alice

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