Hello there Alice,
Just want to say that I really like this service Columbia provides because we don't have anything like it here. I am writing from UC Berkeley. I just had a few questions that I hope you can help me with. I have broken up for about a year and I have never had female problems. I am active (sexually) and never really had problems. But recently, I really started to miss my ex-girlfriend and I have been feeling kind of down. I can usually perform very well in bed, at least that's what my girlfriend says, and the thing is... I can usually have intercourse for two to three hours before coming, but recently, I wasn't able to hold it in. I was wondering if it was my depression or something.
I also lost interest in my present girlfriend. She has the finest body
a guy can want, but I am just not interested anymore. I kind of want some
advice on my depression. Should I get in contact with my ex? Should I
tell my girlfriend about this? I also want to know if there are
exercises to train a guy to hold in his orgasm? Well, hopefully you can
help me out. Thanks.
Signed,
Reconsidering
Dear Reconsidering,
Depression, stress, and poor health can all have negative effects on a man's sexual well-being. The stress and pressure felt when men believe they aren't performing up to par can cause even more guilt and negative feelings. There are exercises for learning to last longer than you currently are (see the Related Q&As listed below this answer for more information). But there may be more issues than this, which are affecting you. What may be of more help for you is to relax, if you can, and sort out your current relationship troubles.
Your current girlfriend may have the "finest body," but relationships aren't all about looks. What else do you enjoy about her? Think about why you are missing your ex-girlfriend. Did you have needs (other than sexual ones) fulfilled by being in a relationship with her that are not satisfied with your current girlfriend? What kind of needs might they be? Perhaps you can enrich your current relationship in those ways, or maybe you don't want to. If not, it may be time to move on and spend some time not being in a relationship for now as you figure out your feelings.
Missing your ex-girlfriend may be causing some of your current issues. On the other hand, you may be missing your ex simply because of your current troubles. What made the two of you break up? Is it still possible to resolve the issue(s)? Or, can you be friends with your ex, while healing yourself, or while being in your current relationship? Perhaps it makes sense to contact your ex, as a friend.
These are questions that only you can answer. It seems as though you have some thinking to do. A talk with a trusted friend or family member might help as you sort out your feelings. While your current school may not offer a service as cool as Alice!, they do offer counselors on staff to help students with these kinds of issues. You can start with your school's Health Services, which can get you synced with a counselor on-campus or off, for some short-term work. Your body will most likely respond accordingly as your feelings become clearer.
- Alice
Related Q&As
- Prolonging arousal/Lasting longer
- More about premature ejaculation
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Miss ex-girlfriend, or is it something else?
