—Pressured

Sounds as if you're learning a lesson about "peer pressure" the hard way. The guilt you feel is normal after being pressured to do something you didn't really want to do.

Perhaps you feel you're deceiving your friend, since the only reason you asked her was because your friends pressured you and you caved. That in itself could cause guilt. You may not want to jeopardize your friendship, so again, think about how things might be seen differently. Perhaps your friends gave you the courage to do something that you may have wanted to do anyway, that is, ask someone who is already a friend to go with you.

Yet, let's look at this situation a different way. If you hadn't have asked your friend, what would you have done? Gone to the prom yourself? Or not gone at all? Friends go to proms together. If there was nobody you would rather have taken, you now have an opportunity to attend the prom with a friend. You have someone to dine and dance with, and so does she. At this point, you may want to clarify your and her expectations of the evening and of the meaning of the "ask." It is important for her to know that you invited her as a friend, rather than as a romantic partner. In fact, if she is really your friend, she may already know this. The two of you can then determine how both of you can work out things, such as splitting the cost of the ride to and from the prom in a limousine or taxi, sharing the cost of the prom, seeing who else is going to the prom as friends and perhaps going with them, maybe even being cool about each other dancing with somebody else, like a crush, if the occasion arises… you get the idea. These are all things to talk about now, before the prom, so that each of you is clear as you plan.

As for giving in to peer pressure, the key is to learn how to respond differently in similar situations in the future. If you find yourself dealing with a similar issue, try to ensure that you are truly doing it to help your friend and discuss with this person a clear idea of how you BOTH want the evening to play out. Do not just do something because your buddies think that it is a good idea, as a lot of times, this is simply not the case.

Peer pressure can be positive if it encourages friends to become motivated in their pursuits to do well; however, peer pressure that leaves little to no room for other options can be negative if it causes or has the potential to cause harm to someone or to you. Being assertive and using good judgment when faced with peer pressure can help you maintain your ground, and possibly even open your friends' minds to learning from their intentions to manipulate your behavior. You don't have to explain yourself to your friends when not following popular opinion. You just need to say what you want or need. And then do it. You don't need their support. You just need to feel resolute. Even if your friends truly believe that they are helping, perhaps they'll realize and understand that it is not always best to interfere in the business of others.

The last thing to remember is that even if you don't feel like you have choices, you, in fact, do.

You can check out the following resource for more info:

"Keeping your cool under prom pressure" on the TeensHealth.org website

Alice

Related Q&As

Prom dilemma

Asking someone to the prom, or something else