Dear Alice, I am writing because I have a serious problem--I can't figure out the guys at Columbia!!! Here it is: I'm kind of in love with two different guys, which isn't a problem for me in and of itself, it's just that I don't know how to proceed with either of them. Bachelor #1, the god, is absolutely a feast for the eyes. He is exactly my "type", tall, blond, blue eyes, and a hot body. A friend of mine who is an acquaintance of his introduced us at a campus party and he seems really nice, but the problem is that he also seems like Mr. Ice when it comes to women (it's like because he's so hot that he knows practically every girl on campus wants him). He's extra picky (which can be good) and not very forward; besides this he's heavy on the Christian side and apparently has to be totally going out with a girl for anything to really happen--which can also be good. But I don't know how to approach him ... he always says hello to me when he sees me or stops for a minute, and he's always smiling at me--which I am told he doesn't do for everybody. I also know that he's currently seeing somebody (but not "going out"). On the one hand I don't want to seem like just another girl fawning all over him; on the other I want to let him know I'm interested without offending his Christianity. And, on one hand, I know he's seeing somebody, but on the other I feel like I'm the best woman for the job and don't want to let somebody else get in the way--besides, he may be Christian, but he's still a man and I caught him checking me out in the West End while he was with her... HELP ME, what should I do, how should I proceed??
Bachelor #2, the dork, is absolutely at the other end of the spectrum--he's short and dorky, but when I met him I fell for his personality. He seemed like such a nice guy--quiet, and smart, and funny. A couple of Saturdays in a row we ended up back at his frat house, sitting on his couch and watching cartoons until 8 a.m. Nothing physical happened between us, and I called him a few times during the third week to see if he wanted to hang out, but he dweebed out citing his work each time... the fourth Saturday during a party it became apparent to me that he was trying to avoid me and I did not know why until a friend had a few words with him and discovered that he was afraid that I wanted to be his girlfriend. Now I do like him a lot and do find myself attracted to him, but I definitely don't want to marry him--I'm not into one night stands and I would like to be his friend (and I know he's attracted to me), but I'd prefer something easygoing over something complicated--so what do I do with this one?? HELP!!--A confused bachelorette
Dear Confused bachelorette,
Wouldn't the Dating Game be so easy right now? You could choose one guy, go out on an already paid for date, and never have to communicate anything more than, "#3, please." No such luck! As far as the first guy, Alice thinks you should probably just wait it out. Get to know him--talk to him when he says hi, maybe ask him out for coffee. But in any case, learn more about him than the color of his hair. Find out from him what he likes to do, what he's studying, how he feels about his religion, etc. Don't rush it, especially if there's another woman involved at the moment. For the second guy, talk to him! Don't let your friends play the intermediaries! Tell him that you've had a great time watching cartoons with him, that you're not interested in marriage, but that you'd like to be his friend. Hopefully he'll have time for you and you both can hang out and laugh with no strings attached.
Try not to overdramatize your situation. Take things slowly, observe, get to know the guys and cultivate friendships. And then see what happens....
- Alice
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Bachelor #1 or #2
